August 17, 2015
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The Road to 65, Mile 261: Trusting the Journey
August 16, 2915, Prescott- It is coming down to a very telling choice. Perhaps as early as November, maybe not until January, 2017, or at some point in between the two, my intuition is telling me it’s time to move on.
I say November, because by then, my pledges to the Yavapai County Angels and Hope Fest will have been honoured, the snows will be gathering in Massachusetts, and I don’t want to leave my mother alone, in that house where we grew up, while the rest of my family is facing stresses of their own.
I say it’s time to move on, because all my friends in this town of Prescott are doing just fine, and will continue to be fine whether I’m here or not. Truth is, I am spending more, in a modestly expensive apartment, with minimal day-to-day work, then I have in any given month on the road, these past few years. I am not a salesman, yet I have looked to help people with a product in which I believe, but without seed money, one cannot do much in establishing an essential oils trade, and I am NOT going to go the “Fund Me” route. I have been offered a minimum wage position as an apartment complex manager, but would still have to pay my own full rent- so that’s out.
I have had some places come into my head, in quiet moments. I could settle in a more economical living space, live in a place where I could pretty much walk to a school, where I could substitute teach, and a few such places have entered my consciousness. I could also go somewhere where people live in community, not in semi-anonymity. Places where my presence would be discomfiting to people I know online or in real time, and there are a few such people, would not be on my list of options.
These are all rather petty-sounding, I know, and many have it far worse than me. The issue for me, though, is more existential. It’s more a matter of no place having really felt like home, since Penny passed. It’s more a matter of people having their own priorities and life patterns, in which someone like me does not belong. I know, that will be the same, no matter where I go, and that will be something I have to face. My welcome here, though, is wearing thin, and so it’s time to trust the journey and start planning ahead.
UPDATE: I will be removing a couple of photos from a post I did on Santa Monica, a few weeks ago, and hopefully the post will be less discomfiting to those concerned.
Comments (2)
I am sure you will put in plenty of thoughtful consideration to your decision (sounds like you are already), so I'm pretty sure whatever you decide upon will be the right choice.
Should you end up moving back to be with/near your mother, I am sure she will appreciate having you there as company, and to help her shovel the snow.
I will definitely do so, and will give thought to the many aspects of this possible move. I would not maintain two households, for example, so it would mean most of my possessions would be sold or given away. I don't have that much, but it would still be mind over matter.
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